What does any sensible boofhead do when it's colder than Condoleezza Rice's smile and the days are shorter than Danny Devito? He hibernates.
So I did. I jumped into the cot and set the alarm clock for March.
Only I slept through it.
Dreams? I had a few. But not too few to mention. Best of all was the flying dream. Yeah, everyone has flying dreams. Mine was special. I was flying a Harrier Jump Jet launching missiles at a Cat Retirement Village. To paraphrase some bloke in some movie: "I love the smell of singed cat hair in the morning ... it's the smell of victory".
And a very special cheerio to Cosmo.
Be that as it may, I jumped out of the cot, took a look in the mirror, and fair pooed my jim-jams in fright. Five months in the cot can take a toll on a boofhead's appearance. So I said to the two-legged dogs, I said, "This boofhead needs a makeover".
Lo and behold, we're straight into the macchina - that's Italian for car; I hibernated with my iPod loaded with Italian language courses jammed into my oversized ears - and we're barreling down the road to see Paola.
Here I am, straight out of the hibernation cot, with Paola:
Paola's great. She kisses me every time I drop in. I try to kiss her back. She ducks. Maybe it's the big pink flapping tongue.
Paola and I usually shoot the breeze while she works her magic. She teaches me Italian, I teach her Dog. I'm winning.
So a couple of hours later, Paola's done her job, and I'm ready for summer. Even if I'm looking like Bjork with PMS:
So how did Barbra spend her winter?
Where she belongs:
Behind bars.
4 comments:
Maybe through this summer and autumn you can dictate your autobiography to the ooman, who can then type it into blogger through the bad weather?
I've been reading Barbara's blog since you were neglectful. Oh, you didn't know she blogs? You sleep too much.
The ooman doesn't understand Dog. Fact is, he doesn't understand much at all.
Barbra thinks a blog is a misspelled very wet patch of ground.
PS Cosmo says he's too busy working on his surfing technique to read blogs.........
Mind you he did have a quick look at the pictures and commented that his fur is now longer than that of the very young army recruit in the photo.
That and "Who's the Bozo?"
Cosmo, I'd use you to wax my surfboard.
I also read somewhere that you like to jump on people's tummies. You can jump into my tummy any time you like, bub.
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