Sunday, 30 December 2007

Bah Humbug!

I have very few heroes.

Savonarola, the Mad Monk who ruled Florence in the late 15th century, is one. A cove after my own flinty heart. What he didn't know about making people's lives miserable could be written on the head of a match. A match used to light a bonfire under such fripperies as fun. And pleasure.

That he himself finished up having a bonfire lit under him himself is an irony that has always escaped me.

Scrooge is my other hero. At least until C. Dickens copped out and turned him into a namby-pamby, do-good wally. Damn wimpy writers catering to their audiences!

You'll never catch this boofheaded scribe catering to anyone bar himself.

Take Christmas.

Please! Take it away!

This is what the two-legged dogs made of Christmas:

Savonarola would've had a 15th century bonfire under that little lot quicksmart.

Scrooge would've been apoplectic. Until he turned into a milk-sop.

And noi? Which is to say, in inglese, us? Barbra and me? What did we find for ourselves under the tree amidst the SatNav devices, boxed-set Pirates of the Caribbean DVDs, books, et al?

Two each of the above.

Not two packets. Two Schmackos. Each. Gift-wrapped.

Same as last year.

And the year before.

The same - not to put too fine a point on it - as every dang year since I joined this circus they call a family.

Now I'm a boofhead with principles. Never let it be said that I'd compromise my passionate beliefs for a mere piece of frippery.

But I'm here to tell you - I'd call Savonarola for the 15th century fruit loop that he was, and Scrooge for the shining example of the possibilities of human redemption that he was -

- for a boxed-set of Lassie DVDs!

Barbra, of course, would roll over for a second-hand VHS copy of Yentl.

















2 comments:

Giusi said...

There is good news, which you would know if you watched Italian TV instead of Aussie rules football. Lassie has come back. Go to your local newsstand with your escape fund and there she is and it's even cheap. I find you have to check them all out to get these special things-- not every stand carries every special set. Don't settle for the opera series, keep looking until you find Lassie.

Oh, and you have extraordinary taste in playmates, too.

Dermott said...

I don't watch Australian Rules football! I watch rugby. A completely different - and vastly superior - kettle of kicking an air-filled piece of old pig around a park.

Thanks for the Lassie tip.

I had no choice in playmates. They made straight for me. The best thing is, they will want one of me when they get home!